How to Build Self-Esteem in Kids Who Struggle Academically

Let’s be real—school isn’t built for every brain. And when your kid is constantly coming home with red marks, unfinished work, or comments like “not trying hard enough,” their self-worth starts to tank faster than your patience at bedtime.

But grades don’t define your child. And neither do labels like “lazy” or “behind.” If you're wondering how to build self-esteem in kids who struggle academically, here are 7 expert-backed (and parent-approved) strategies to lift them up where it counts.

1. Celebrate Effort, Not Outcome

Forget the A+. Praise the grind.

✅ Try: “I saw how hard you worked on that even when it was tough. That’s amazing grit.”

Why it works: Kids need to see their effort matters more than the result. This builds resilience and motivation instead of shame.

2. Spot Strengths Outside of School

So your kid isn’t a mathlete—maybe they’re a comic book genius or a LEGO master.

✅ Try: “You are so creative. That story you told me was better than half the books I’ve read.”

Why it works: Identifying and affirming non-academic strengths helps your child develop a balanced, confident identity.

3. Avoid Comparisons Like the Plague

Your neighbor’s kid reading Tolstoy in kindergarten? Great for them. Not relevant here.

✅ Try: “Everyone learns at their own pace. You’re right where you need to be.”

Why it works: Comparisons can erode confidence. Focus on your child’s individual journey, not someone else’s finish line.

4. Let Them Teach You

Flip the power dynamic and let your child be the expert.

✅ Try: “Can you show me how you built that Minecraft castle?”

Why it works: Kids light up when they get to lead. It reinforces competence and autonomy.

5. Practice Emotional Labeling

Self-esteem isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about navigating hard feelings too.

✅ Try: “It makes sense that you felt frustrated. Want to take a break before trying again?”

Why it works: Validating emotions teaches your child that struggling doesn’t mean failure—it just means they’re human.

6. Set Up Small, Winnable Goals

“Finish all your homework” might be too much. Try “Complete two math problems, then take a break.”

✅ Try: Use a visual checklist or timer to chunk tasks.

Why it works: Achievable goals help build momentum and confidence, especially for kids with ADHD or executive functioning challenges.

7. Model Self-Compassion

Kids are sponges. If they hear you trash-talking yourself, guess what they learn?

✅ Try: “I had a rough day, but I’m proud of how I handled it.”

Why it works: When you treat yourself with kindness, you teach your child to do the same. That’s emotional gold.

The Takeaway

Your child’s academic struggles don’t have to define their self-worth. When you show them that effort matters, mistakes are okay, and who they are is enough, you’re laying the foundation for lifelong confidence. 💚

Need support building your child’s confidence alongside learning strategies? Let’s talk.

📞 Call or text: 614-470-4466

📧 Email: admin@achievepsychology.org

🌐 Visit: www.achievepsychology.org

Works Cited:

1. Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

2. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.

3. American Psychological Association. (2023). Helping Children Build Self-Esteem.

4. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child.

5. Levine, M. (2002). A Mind at a Time.