What to Do When Your Child Hates Their IEP Accommodations

Hearing “I hate this!” from your child about their IEP accommodations can feel like a punch to the gut. After all, the accommodations were designed to help, not frustrate. But resistance to IEPs is more common than you think, and it doesn’t mean the plan is a failure—it’s an opportunity for growth.

Here’s how to navigate this tricky situation, improve your child’s engagement, and make their IEP work for them (not against them).

Why Kids Push Back Against IEP Accommodations

To fix the problem, it’s important to understand the “why” behind your child’s resistance. Common reasons include:

1. Feeling Different: No kid wants to stand out in a way that feels negative. Using accommodations like extra time or noise-canceling headphones can make some children feel “different” from their peers.

2. Misalignment: The accommodations might not actually meet your child’s needs or may feel irrelevant to them.

3. Embarrassment or Shame: Older kids and teens, in particular, might avoid accommodations because they associate them with a stigma.

4. Lack of Understanding: If your child doesn’t understand why certain accommodations exist, they may see them as pointless or patronizing.

Step 1: Have an Honest Conversation

Start by talking to your child. Use open-ended questions to get to the root of their feelings. For example:

• “How do you feel about your IEP accommodations?”

• “What’s frustrating you the most?”

• “What would make things easier for you?”

Listen without judgment. Even if their concerns seem trivial, validating their feelings is the first step toward resolving the issue.

Step 2: Involve Your Child in the IEP Process

Kids are more likely to embrace accommodations when they feel heard. Involve your child in the following ways:

• During IEP Meetings: Let them share what’s working and what’s not.

• In Goal-Setting: Help them define personal goals that align with their interests.

• With Self-Advocacy Skills: Teach them to articulate their needs to teachers and peers.

When kids feel like collaborators rather than bystanders, they’re more invested in the outcome.

Step 3: Assess the Accommodations

Sometimes the issue isn’t the child but the accommodations themselves. Work with the school team to review and adjust:

• Relevance: Are the accommodations meeting your child’s current challenges?

• Feasibility: Are the accommodations easy to implement in a way that doesn’t disrupt the class?

• Alternatives: Can the same goal be achieved with a different, less intrusive strategy?

For example, if your child hates using a fidget tool, try giving them frequent movement breaks instead.

Step 4: Address Stigma and Self-Esteem

Children often resist IEP accommodations because they’re worried about standing out or being judged. Here’s how to help:

• Normalize Accommodations: Explain that everyone needs support in some areas, whether it’s glasses for vision or extra help in math.

• Empower Them: Emphasize their strengths and how accommodations help them shine.

• Practice Responses: Role-play how they can explain their accommodations to peers if questioned.

Step 5: Collaborate with Teachers

Teachers are on the front lines of implementing accommodations, so their input is invaluable. Schedule a meeting to discuss:

• How the accommodations are being used in practice.

• Feedback on what’s working and what’s not.

• Suggestions for alternative strategies.

A good teacher-student relationship can make a huge difference in how accommodations are perceived and used.

Real-Life Example: Alex’s IEP Journey

Alex, a 10th grader with ADHD, hated using a laptop for note-taking because he felt it drew attention in class. After discussions with his parents, teachers, and the school team, they switched to printed notes provided by the teacher before class. With this adjustment, Alex’s resistance disappeared, and his grades improved.

Step 6: Celebrate Small Wins

If your child starts using even one accommodation without a fight, celebrate! Positive reinforcement builds confidence and encourages continued use of supports.

• Offer Praise: Highlight their efforts, not just the outcomes.

• Use Rewards: Treats like extra screen time or a favorite snack can motivate younger kids.

Step 7: Reevaluate Regularly

Children grow, and so do their needs. What works in fourth grade might not be relevant by seventh grade. Schedule regular IEP reviews to ensure the plan evolves alongside your child.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

1. Forcing Compliance: Pushing too hard can backfire. Instead, focus on collaboration and problem-solving.

2. Ignoring Their Feedback: Even if their complaints seem minor, they offer valuable insight.

3. Viewing the IEP as Static: An IEP is a living document—adjustments are normal and necessary.

The Long-Term Benefits of Getting It Right

When your child embraces their IEP accommodations, they gain more than academic support—they learn critical life skills like self-advocacy, problem-solving, and adaptability. These tools will serve them well into adulthood.

If your child is struggling with their IEP accommodations, you don’t have to face it alone. Call or text 614-470-4466, email admin@achievepsychology.org, or visit www.achievepsychology.org to connect with experts who can help adjust and optimize your child’s IEP plan.